october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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My \"big\" update.

Hello! I'm here for my "big" update.
Life has changed since I updated. Not a major change but it has changed.
Let's start in January. What happened in January? Not much of anything
February- I turned 21! Big deal *yawn* It was nothing like I expected. I bought this Arbor Mist wine stuff and drank alone. I woke up the next day really depressed and I had a monsterous headache. So, I've discovered that drinking is not for me.
I met a man named Shen who I eventually thought was God. I thought I loved him. Turns out: He's married. Of course! Needless to say, it didn't last.
March - Enrolled in a new school. Southeastern Business College. I'm taking Business Administration.
We went to Amy's house for a week to babysit Cameron who was sick. It was a fantastic week and I didn't want to leave. I cried so hard on the way home!
Shen goes to China for 3 weeks with his beautiful, perfect wife and I'm left at home, sulking. I was miserable. I cried all the time and went around telling people I wanted to die. Pathetic.
April - Shen and I stop talking for good and my heart breaks. I thought the world was ending but, as you can see, it didn't. I'm still here, and I'm still breathing and my heart is still beating.
May - Elijah turns 1. Not too much excitement.
June - This is when things speed up a bit. Everything seems to speed up in Spring and Summer and then they gradually slow in Autumn to a complete stop in Winter. Interested, eh? Anyways, Cameron turned 2 on June 5th! We went to Cincinnati to babysit for Amy and we had a Finding Nemo birthday party for him.
He HAS to be the sweetest baby EVER. I still cannot believe how wonderful that child is. He is so close to walking and he gets into everything. He climbs and nothing is safe! What a true blessing he is! I'm amazed. He is the greatest thing to come into my life in such a long time.
Darius came back with us after school was out. He's been with us ever since and, while I love him with all my heart, his music drives me nuts.
I start school next week, on July 5. I am so excited. I've got my text books. I'm taking Business Math, Keyboarding I, and Business Organization. I'm like a little kid with a new toy. I keep looking at my text books. I can't wait to start!
I met this guy named Jason back in November. He's so awesome and we talked every single day almost. He asked me out and I said yes, as I always do. I had no feelings for him to start off with. But, slowly but surely, I started to love him. He was best guy I could ever meet. And I ruined it, by lying. I lied to him in the beginning and by the time things started to get serious between us, it was too late. So, I admitted my lies and it tore both of us apart. My heart was hurting so badly. I felt that it would stop beating because of all the pain. I always do this. I always ruin my relationships by lying and I'm so fucking sick of it.
I miss him more than I could ever imagine missing anyone. The first few days after we broke up, I would cry so hard that my head would hurt and my throat would swell up. In all honesty, I wanted to die to escape the pain. I hated myself because I hurt him. I was hurt because I hurt him, not because he left me. He doesn't deserve to be lied to. He's too wonderful for me. I just hope he can find happiness again. *shakes head* What have I done???
Life goes on and your heart keeps beating. Here I am. Writing this and feeling fairly decent. I'm happy to be alive.

1:50 p.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 28, 2006

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