october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Random ramblings Isn't it amazing how some songs can bring up vivid memories? I hear songs all the time that remind me of a certain time in my life, sometimes good, sometimes bad. It can seem like you're right back when the event that caused the memory happened. On another note, I've got a horrible cold sore and it hurts very badly. I have no idea how to get rid of it or even ease the pain. I tried asperin, knowing well that it wasn't going to work, but I tried anyway. The sore is huge and it seems to be getting bigger. Is there some way to do something about it? I finally got some notes written in my Book of Shadows. I'm very proud of myself. I got behind in studying there for a while and I'm hoping that, now that I'm back on track, that I can get a regular schedule going again. I don't remember if I wrote about this before, so I'm going to go ahead and write about it now. A few nights ago, I was feeling extremely "homesick"(that's the label I've put on it) and I called Walter. I had to talk to someone. I started sobbing. It had been so long since I had let someone see me cry and it's also been a long time since I've actually talked to anyone about how I am feeling. Holly and Jessica were heavy on my mind and that just made things even worse. I was miserable. I knew I was having another one of my breakdowns. I kept asking Walter to please help me, though I knew there is nothing he can do about it. This is just something I am going to have to work through alone. I suppose it's that personal that no one can help me. I just feel so out of place. It's a lonely, overwhelming feeling. The only time I ever really feel like I am where I belong is when I am working on my Wicca/WitchCraft studies. I have never felt so secure in anything else in my entire life. As I was studying last night, I felt such a sense of belonging, in a spiritual sense. I feel I am right where I need to be, when it comes to my spirituality. Now, I just need to get the hell out of this house. Tomorrow is another big cleaning day. I have to do something about this unholy mess in my floor. Not only does it upset mom and make my room look horrible, it attracts negative energy and effects my magickal works and studies,as well as effecting my depression. So, it doesn't just effect me physically, it also effects me spiritually and emotionally. That doesn't help in getting me back on track. Okay, I was going to write something and I completely forgot what it is...oh well (I'm too young to forget what I'm going to say!) Dawn of the Dead starts on Friday and, if it's playing in Jackson, I am considering asking Ashley to go see it with me (if I can get my ass in the seats. You have to be anorexic to fit in them). I haven't seen her in a while. Halloween as a matter of fact. I can't believe we've been friends for 10 years! Where has the time gone? Ohhh yes, now I remember what I was going to write. I was (once again) thinking about baby names and, since Princess Diana is also one of my idols, I considered the name Holly Diana Virginia or Holly Virginia Diana, or Holly Diana Marie (why does no one ever like my baby names? Are they too old fashioned?) I'm going to have to have a million little girls if I want to use all the names I like. 1:25 a.m. - Tuesday, Mar. 16, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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