october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lost. I've tried sleeping, but I kept waking up everyday hour. I can faintly remember having a nightmare, but I don't remember what it was. The unsettled and scared feeling is still there though. I'm trying to find something to comfort me, but I just seem lost and scared in my own world. And if you're lost and scared of your own world, that you certainly will be in the real world. I woke up with such a pain in my chest. It's the pain I always associate with the struggle of evil and good inside me. Of evil trying to take over my body, but the Goddess won't let it. It scares me and I hate the feeling. Now, I'm just trying to find something. Something to help me settle down. I'm not tired, not hungry, not anything. Just lost. 4:27 p.m. I'm feeling a little bit better than I was this morning. Mom and I went to Big Lots and everything was fine, until we started talking about Amy. I hate feeling this way towards her. I hate feeling like she isn't the same sister she used to be. I love her, but I just feel something is gone. I came home and went into one of my crying spells. I just wish this wasn't happening. But it is, and I have to deal with it and not let it ruin me or my love for Amy. She's my sister, for God's sake! She's been there for me through so much and she would never, ever judge me, so what's my deal?! She's been there since the day I was born and she's never turned away. How could I do that to her? I need to deal with this, but I don't know how. I guess I need to ask the Goddess for help. I need to do some serious praying and thinking. Maybe a spell would work, but I'm not advanced enough in my studies to do that. I HAVE to do something, though, and soon.... 9:07 p.m. As if I don't have enough to worry about. Walt's been gone for 3 hours to that job place and I am praying so hard that he is okay. I called his house and I guess it wasn't his mom or dad that took him because they both answered. So, it much have been Shannone that took him. Or he took the bus. I've been talking to the Goddess and asking her to reassure me that he is okay. She is telling me is, but I want him to get home so I can talk to him, just to make sure he is okay. I figure I will say one more prayer: O Goddess within, O God within, O Goddess of the Earth, Moon, and Water, O God of the mountains and forests, Please watch over Walt, and guide him safely home. Please keep him safe. Blessed Be, in the name of the Lord and Lady. 4:17 a.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 09, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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