october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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The ignorant concept of how we get to hell...

I was watching a show on hell and satan and the like last night. And, of course, the point kept coming up that, in Christianity, if you do not believe in and accept Jesus Christ as your savior, you will be going to hell. It totally baffles me how anyone could think that just because you don't believe in someone, you're going to be punished for eternity. It really made me start to think about some things a bit deeper.
I have been surrounded by Christianity since before I was born. I've tried hard to believe my entire life, but I've never truly felt the peace and happiness that I've heard so many ministers and evangelists talking about. I simply can't feel it because I know it's not what was meant for me.
My point is...you can't really force yourself to believe in someone or something that you know you don't believe in with your heart. It seems pretty useless to say you believe in something when you don't really feel it in your heart.
So, do the Christians really believe that I'm going to hell simply because I don't believe that Jesus Christ is my savior?
But on a lighter note, I am feeling sooo much better today. I had a really bad night last night. I called Walter and I cried my eyes out. I literally had a break-down. I was desperate. I was panicking. I was scared of being alone forever. I was begging for him to take me back. But I feel now that I don't need him. I don't need any man to survive. But women have been programmed for hundreds of years to think that they can't make it in the world without men. But the world has changed and I'm really glad for that. I can't imagine letting a man have complete control of my life. I'm too strong-willed...

2:31 p.m. - Tuesday, Dec. 28, 2004

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