october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Feeling sorry for myself...

It's Friday and Laura went for her date. I'm sitting here, nearly in tears. I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay and talk to me. I feel so alone right now. Why must I feel this way? Why must I be so sad?
What shall I do tonight? I'll probably end up watching a film and sitting around feeling sorry for myself. That's a horrible, bad habit of mine.
She wants me to ring her on her date this evening. Should I or should I not? I don't know what to do right now.
I don't want to lose my best friend to some guy. I suppose, though, if we are really best friends, nothing will come between us. She said that a guy will never come between us, but you never know what can happen.
I wrote in my regular pen-and-paper journal,last night,that there is no room in friendship for jealousy. If I'm going to be a good friend, I have to stop feeling like everyone is a threat. True best friends are best friends always. If Laura says a guy won't come between us, I trust her.
I'm so weary of people, though. I've been hurt deeply by people I've really cared about. But surely, Laura is different. I just feel that she is. I feel that she is really my best friend and that I'm really hers.
God, I'm getting on my own nerves with my insecurities. Get over it, Jade, or lay down and die. As Laura would say, "Get over!"
I'll probably watch "The Hours" tonight. I'm in that sort of mood.
I'm ashamed of how I am acting. I'm feeling sorry for myself, plain and simple. Laura is my best friend and I shouldn't want to be begrudge her of happiness. I don't want her to be unhappy at all.
Gotta start studying again next week!
Oh yes, I was talking to Chris last night and he mentioned that he only has one good friend and that it's me. I had to get off the phone, I almost started crying when he said that. I haven't given him enough credit. He's been my friend for 2 years and we've been through some rough times. He annoys me sometimes, I admit that, but I love him. I don't want to see him hurt in any way.
Thank you for being there for me, Chris. I love you!

1:40 p.m. - Friday, Jan. 28, 2005

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