october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Forget birth control pills...

I had one of the worst arguments with my mother last night. And it was all my fault. If I hadn't opened my mouth, none of it would have happened.
I did so many things that I regret last night. All because of this fucking PMS. If I hadn't taken the birth control pills then the PMS wouldn't be this bad. So, yes, I'm getting rid of the damn birth control pills. I can manage just fine without them.
I cried so hard last night, I thought I would pass out. I didn't get to bed until well past 2 a.m. and that's just not like me at all.
I kept thinking about my life without my mother. My God, what would I do? How would I go on if I couldn't look to my mother for support? She's been my lifeline my whole life. If I has pushed her away for good last night, I couldn't have gone on with her. I would have laid down and just let life pass me by.
Stuff happened inbetween argueing with my mother (which was around 10 p.m. and going to bed, but I'm not even going to get into it. I just want to forget about all of it.
I said I wasn't going to get online today but, I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to stay at home and eat all morning so I figured I'd come and talk to my Laura Jane. Turns out she has a crappy night as well. She got into a fight with Caroline, her ex-best friend, and I guess Caroline started it. I wouldn't doubt it; she seems like that type of person.
I definitely have to talk to my doctor about a higher dosage of Paxil. I knew that the three 12.4 mgs of Paxil wasn't going to do anything but I figured that a doctor would know best. Weird thing is, she looks like she's about as old as I am.
Azam called me last night and, let me tell you, he isn't afraid to talk about anything. I do mean EVERYTHING. I'm not even going to get into details. lol Too embarrassing! I love to hear him talk, though, because of his accent:) It's so cute! He's funny, too.
Ugghhh, I need some sinus meds!

9:45 a.m. - Sunday, Mar. 13, 2005

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