october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- meltdown "I'm just a little girl you see, but there's a hell of alot more to me..." "She falls apart...by herself..no one there to talk or understand" I give up on worrying about Rachel. All it does it hurt me. I felt like I was having a nervous break down last night. I seriously think I was. And there was no one around. No one at all. I've been told that there is a possibility that Rachel is a psychic vampyre. If she is, she feels off my worry and emotions. I have to detach her from me by way of a spell. I can't talk about her anymore. It's just making me feel worse. Today is going to be a better day. I'm going to make sure of it. I actually slept all night. I gotta get up and do something today or I'll go into another nervous breakdown. Maybe I'll get some cleaning done. I need to get out of my room... 9:08 a.m. I am feeling alot better now. I think that I was feeling the way I was because of depression. And the fact that I worry constantly (and I do mean constantly) Carl and Meranda have been feeding all kinds of crap into my head. I seriously doubt that Rachel is a "psychic" vampyre. It's the fact that I have feelings that I don't want to have, and I want to blame my feelings on something other than myself. I've also been thinking of Holly and Jessica constantly. I always took comfort in the fact that when a person dies, they are reborn, constantly and without end..but that's not what my feelings are about. It's because they were so cruely denied the right to grow up, to live and to see the world. I know their souls are still alive and have either been reborn or are going to be reborn, but it's the fact that the two little girls are gone. The little girls that the souls were known as in that life are gone. And all because of another human being. It's so fucking sick... 12:51 p.m. Why is Creed's music so fucking depressing? 7:23 a.m. - Friday, Jan. 02, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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