october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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My demons

God, I'm so sick of having so much hair. It takes forever to shampoo it and condition it and fix it. But I guess I should be glad I have hair. Cancer patients who take that horrible radiation treatment end up losing their hair, most of the time.
I'm not in the best of moods today. There's things that I live with that I wish I had never gotten myself involved with. Sometimes I hate being sensitive and I hate feeling like I HAVE to be a martyr. I have demons that I want to get rid of, but I have no clue how. I've caused myself to have some of the pain that I have. I've gotten myself involved when I had no business getting involved. But I suppose theres nothing I can do about it now.
I spoke to Carl last night and he acted so cocky. It pissed me off, to be honest. I'm glad I didn't end up with him, if this is how things are turning out. If this is how he is going to act, then I might as well just forget him all together. I don't need some cock, smug jerk to make things worse for me than they already are and to make me feel worse about myself that I already do. I'm just now finding myself looking in the mirror and not thinking I'm completely hidious and his shitty attitude would just bring me back down to where I was before.
*takes a deep breath* I feel a bit better now. I've been holding my anger in about Carl since last night and I don't do well holding in my emotions.
I'm preparing for the busy week ahead. I have alot of studying to do and alot of cleaning to do. I can handle studying alot better than I can cleaning so I suppose I'll be spending more time studying. They don't pay you for organizational skills....Wait, I suppose some jobs do, right?

2:14 p.m. - Sunday, Nov. 21, 2004

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