october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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This is death...I choose life

I know that this family would have been better off if I had never been born. But it's not about them, it's about me. It's about what I need and what I feel right now. I'm not trying to cause problems or cause pain, but it's not my problem anymore. My grandma is too sensitive and I can't help that.
I wrote Kay a long e-mail, explaining my feelings and what I need right now. I need understand and patience. It's not easy haveing depression and she should know that. She should know what it's like to hurt. No one in the family understands but mom and Amy. They are really all I have.
"What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It's what you can bear. And there it is... It was death. I chose life." Laura Brown in "The Hours"
I'm dying here. I'm suffocating. I can't handle it much longer.

3:41 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 23, 2005

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