october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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What is wrong with me?!

Part of one of my bloody back teeth fell out this morning. I was chewing gum and then chomped into something really hard and it was a piece of my tooth! I couldn't believe it. I knew my teeth weren't in the best of conditions but not to the point where pieces of them are falling out! It's proper strange.
I finally got to talk to Laura on the phone last night! It was awesome:) She has the cute accent and she talks really fast. She was cracking me up! I love that girl. She truly is my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without her.
Oh yes, I talked to this British guy yesterday named Owen. He was asking me stuff along the lines of "Where would be the best place to stay if I came to visit you" and other questions concerning visiting me.
He was one of those charmer fellows. One who will say all kinds of sweet things to you to get you into bed.
I asked Laurs if an American guy she didn't know at all asked her to sleep with him, would she do it? She said yes. I was laughing my ass off lol Sadly enough, if a British guy asked me to sleep with him and I didn't know the man, I'd say yes as well lol Yes, we are pathetic but at least we are pathetic together!
I had a horrible time getting out of bed today. I had no motivation. It was such a hassle to sit up, even. I can't keep waking up feeling like that but I don't know what to do to change it. What do I do? How do I motivate myself to do anything? It's so frustrating to feel like this! I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I keep feeling like this. God, what is wrong with me? How can I change this? Well, I suppose the fact that I haven't taken my antidepressants on a regular basis for a long time has something to do with why I'm feeling this way. Plus, I suppose you have to push yourself to do things. I don't think I'm just going to wake up one day and be happy and peppy and feel like cleaning everything I see and running a mile. I really don't think that will happen and if it is meant to happen, it won't be happening anytime soon, considering how I'm feeling right now.
I do realize, now, that I pay too much attention to my inner world and I don't pay enought attention to what's going on outside. So much has happened that I've started to block the outside world. But I don't want that. I've never wanted to pull back into myself. I don't want to be a hermit. I want to be balanced and able to function.
If anyone is interested, this is a link to my diary that I started back in March of 2003. I stopped updating it in October of 2003. I was a Christian back then *gulps* then I got interest in Buddhism later that year. Not long after I stopped updating (October 25th,2003), I discovered Wicca... Old diary

1:21 p.m. - Monday, Jan. 24, 2005

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