october-moon's diary

october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Ok, I'm lost. But what's new...

Grr, we got more snow last night. I don't like snow! I know I've said all of this before, but I'm sick of snow! I'm ready for the bitter cold of Winter to be over and the lovely, cool breezes of Spring to come along!
I got to talk to my Laur Laur today. I figured she was pissed at me because she didn't e-mail me this morning but her mom has been running her raged. I worry WAY too much and both Chris and Laura agree with me.
Laurs has to clean today so we won't get to talk as much.:( It seems like she has to do all the work in the house. I'd tell them all where to go if I were her.
I'm about to starve. Mom drug me out of bed at 8:30 this morning because, otherwise, I wouldn't have an opportunity to come online! I'm here all alone now. Yippy!
Okay, I know this is a lame entry but I had to write something. I feel lost if I don't write in here at least every other day.
Still didn't receive Laur's letter! I can't believe the post service. They've been slow as hell recently and it's annoying. It took a almost a week for Jasmine's letter to get to me and I still haven't gotten a letter from a girl who said she sent me a letter in the middle of the week before last. It's crazy.
Amy was telling me a story about a man named Albert Fish today and how he killed a little girl and ate her. My God, I had to stop her from finishing the story. It was horrible! I can't believe there has actually been people in this world that have done things like this. It just makes me sick. I can't even describe the feelings I had when she was telling me about it. *shivers*

7:06 p.m.

Well, I got online to talk to Laura and she isn't here. lol She wasn't doing well today. She was really pissed off when I spoke with her. Her family is rather rough on her and I think she holds her anger in and it builds up.
I was reading her journal and here is one part of what she said: "Jade has been a real friend, being there for me when i need her and even though i was a bit pissed off today and mite have talked mean i still love her, she is my best friend." I don't recall her talking mean to me? I'm a bit confused but I always read too much into whats said to me or about me. Was there a time when she was considering not loving me? lol and not being my best friend? Am I reading too much into things again?
I think I need to take a break from everything for a week. To get my head straightened up because everything confuses me. I've been so confused recently that it's really starting to scare me. It's almost like I've had a stroke and can't remember little things that used to come to me so easily.
I guess this all goes back to worrying too much. It's a horrible habit that needs to be broken. I've been fucked over (just to be blunt) by many people and it's not easy to put your guard down afterwards, no matter how much you love and care about a person, and want to open up to them. Just as it takes years to build a wall around yourself, it takes years to tear it down. I'm not going to open up and be completely worryless for a long time. And if a friend can't accept that, than it's not my fault. I know it's alot to take on a friend who worries constantly and is depressed, but, if you truly care about that person, you'll stick in there.
I was whining and crying about wanting to leave today. It's amazing that Laura puts up with me. Honestly, I get on my own nerves, sometimes, complaining about wanting to leave. But I'm sick of being here, I can't stand it here. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

11:05 a.m. - Sunday, Jan. 30, 2005

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