october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Realization

Wow, it's been a day. I've been up and down once again. I do believe that I had a nervous breakdown. I cried, I started shaking, I wanted to lay down and die. I wanted my life to be over.
I realize I have alot to do in my life. First of all, the worrying constantly has to stop. The anger has to be stopped. I have to stop reading more into what people say than what's really being said. Most importantly, I have to stop letting other people's moods control my own.
I worry about my friendship with Laura so often. I worry about what I may say that could potentially make her stop being my friend. But, mom has made so many interesting points. She pointed out that the friendship between Laura and I has just started. It takes time to establish trust and a stable friendship. So, that's one thing that I need to stop worrying about. Our friendship will stablize if it's meant to be.
My main worry, though, concerns losing my mother. I'm CONSTANTLY worrying about my mother passing away. So much of my anxiety is worrying day after day about what I'll do if my mom passed away today. Honestly, I don't know how to deal with that.
I think the main thing right now that has really set me over the edge is that they found Jessica's body today. The man they arrested a few days ago confessed to killing her. I've been completely upset since last night. I've been crying off and on all day long. I feel like I've lost my own child.

8:17 p.m. - Saturday, Mar. 19, 2005

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