october-moon's diary

october-moon's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2 of what I was saying yesterday...

I got cut off yesterday and didn't get to finish what I was saying.I cant believe the whole thing with Jessica. She was so close to her house the whole time! Why the hell didn't they take police dogs out?!
I can't believe she is gone. It's too much for me to think about.
Today is Ostara! Too bad I can't have a celebration. I'll definitely have my mind set on the purpose of the day, though.
I'm feeling a bit better this morning. I've had time to think about what's gone on today and I got an article that mom found in the news paper about neurosis, and I'm a text book case! I worry incesently and I'm always tired. My anxiety takes over my life. I think everything is worse than it really is. For example, I think everytime Laura and I have an argument that it's the end of our friendship and when I argue with my mother, I think she'll stop loving me. I'm so happy that mom found this article. I was as if it was some kind of sign from the Goddess and God.
I have my good qualities and I have my bad qualities. I guess that's what it all comes down to.
My brain is a jumble. I'm tired but I know if I lay down, I won't sleep. I've come to the conclusion that my exhaustion is caused from the constant mental stress that I put on myself. Worrying takes alot out of you. It drains you. It takes up most of your damn time. Feeling like the world is out to get you isn't the greatest feeling in the world and it nags at your continuously. I feel as if it is draining the blood out of my body and I'm left feeling lifeless.
I've decided to take a different course at a different college. The psychology was just not my cup of tea. Too much medical jargan and crap I didn't particularly understand. So, I've decided to go with the Associates program in Computer Information Systems, which is basically IT.

12:35 p.m.

I'm trying really hard not to lose my temper today. And, so far so good, but I feel the dam is about to burst.
There isn't much more that I hate more than people who are stuck on themselves and people who have the emotional capasity on a pea. I realize that not everyone shows there emotions, but for the love of God, at least show some caring for others! You're not the only person in the world, so get over yourself. I'm not going to name names because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (God know I'd never want to hurt anyone. I've been there and it's heart-breaking, so I don't feel like subjecting others to it). Emotionally- numb people burn me up. I feel like telling them to move to a damn cave and stay there, because no one wants you here among the rest of us. Another thing that annoys me: "frenemies", friends who are just fine when you're happy and peppy and bubbly, but once you're done, they make themselves virutally nonexistant. That is one of my biggest pet peeves, and maybe I was raised wrong or maybe I'm just messed up in the head. But you be there for your friends no matter what. You don't base your support on whether you're feeling "up to helping" and you don't base it on whether you "have other thing goings on inside her head". You're supposed to be there always.

3:24 a.m. - Sunday, Mar. 20, 2005

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me