october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Warning: You're now entering Jadeland.

Once again, I'm up in the middle of the night. I don't understand why I'm not tired. I don't recall taking a nap yesterday, but yesterday is a blur, honestly. I don't know what happened; thats how emotional I was. I went off into Jadeland for a while. Anyway, I'm feeling much better than I was. I'm learning to take it one moment at a time. I can't worry about how I'm going to feel tomorrow when I have to deal with how I'm feeling in this very moment. It's impossible for me to keep myself in check and think about keeping myself in check in the next moment.
I honestly hope that Laura still likes me. But, I can't make her like me if she doesn't. I know I made an ass of myself yesterday, but I was just saying how I felt and doing what I thought was best. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle things properly. But that's not my fault. I can't do something I don't know how to do. Anyhow, Laura said everything was ok. But, I don't know. I suppose time will tell. And it's not the end of the world if something goes wrong between us. And another thing to keep in mind when we're getting into a fight: "You're strong. Don't put yourself down simply to make someone feel sorry for you." I've been known to put on an act to make people feel sorry for me as far as seeming like a weak idiot, which I'm certainly not.
Mom made a nice Easter dinner yesterday. We had ham, chicken and noodles, and green beans. mmmmmmmmm I ate enough ham to make me retain water until next month. I was depressed, so,therefore, I ate. I have a horrible habit of thinking food is going to make everything better. Well, I'm certainly not going to starve myself and I'm not going to start puking everything up, so I guess that means I need to eat healthier and exercise more. Oh yes, I also stuffed my face with Peeps. I think I consumed about 5 zillion calories yesterday.
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and I don't want to go, but I'm making myself. I have to find out what to do about the back tooth that broke. I'm scared I'm going to hear that it has to be pulled. :S
Gavin was telling me about his mom yesterday, again, and I started bawling my eyes out. It's so sad to think about. I can only imagine the pain he is in. I feel so horrible for him.

3:06 a.m. - Monday, Mar. 28, 2005

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