october-moon's diary

october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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I'm fat and I'm gonna do something about it...

I'm so sick of being over weight that it's not funny. I'm sick of feeling like a fat cow and not being comfortable at all. So, it's time for a change. Now, I must figure out how I'm going to go about making this change. Oh, and that reminds me. I have to ask Amy to give me back the diet book that she gave me:P She asked if she could borrow it and I haven't gotten it back. And I need it back now, so I guess I'll have to ask her about it.
It's miserable being fat. You don't know what it's like to be fat unless you've been there. And the fact that all I want to do is eat when I get stressed doesn't help the situation. When I'm depressed, the first thing that goes through my mind is "What can I eat to make myself feel better?" Usually I reach for junk food and other food with empty calories. Something definitely has to change. And I can't sit around all my life saying I'll change my life and my eatting habits tomorrow. That doesn't get you anywhere. You're stuck in the same hole your whole life and you don't even realize it.
I want more self-esteem and more energy and losing weight is one of the best ways I can think of to reach both of those goals.
I feel better just getting all of that out. I must walk my walk now, if I'm going to talk the talk. Wish me luck! I need it badly!
I started taking the new anti-depressant, Lexapro, that Dr. Brooks prescribed for me today and I'm crossing my fingers that these pills will do as good as job as Paxil has for me. The information with the pills says that the medication will take 4 to 6 weeks to take full effect. That's alot better than 3 months, which was what the wait time was for Zoloft to work. Zoloft stopped working for me almost as fast as it started working. It's over-rated!

@ 4:49 p.m.

It's such a beautiful afternoon! The ait feels heavenly and everything is just perfect. I feel so good, both mentally and physically. I finally got my trash out. I've had this garbage setting here for 2 weeks needing to go out. It was taking up too much room.
I did my weekly nail-painting just now. I always sdo a bad job painting my right hand. I've switched colors for a while as well. I'm using blue instead of red-black for a while. And why am I talking about this?
I'm gonna get started on my room tomorrow. I have to get this crap cleaned up so I can study properly when classes start on Monday. I can't concentrate with all this clutter around. My poor desk is accumulating trash again and it's annoying me.
I've been watching Court TV all afternoon. They have been discussing the Michael Jackson trial and I have to say my 2 cents worth.
I believe that Michael Jackson is completely crazy and that something isn't right upstairs. But, they use his love for children against him and that's not right. You can love children and not be a pedophile. I absolutely love little children, but I would never, ever, hurt a child in any way. They are the most precious creatures on this Earth and to hurt a child is to commit a crime that is unforgivable in my book.
Michael Jackson may be guilty, in my opinion, but he's not guilty because he loves children. He would be guilty for molesting children.
He's just gone plain wonky, but after all the shit he's been through, who wouldn't be crazy?
I'm starting to wonder though: Is Michael Jackson a man or a woman now? You sure can't tell what he is by looking at him/her/it....

12:36 a.m. - Monday, Apr. 11, 2005

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