october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Why is everything wrong?

School is great. I've gotten 5 100's so far. I've spent alot of my time studying and practicing what I've learned.
Azam called me and reminded me that he loves me.
But everything is all wrong. I don't feel fulfilled or accomplished. I did at first, but it has faded away. I don't feel the excitment that I felt in the beginning. Now, it's just sort of a habit to do nothing BUT study and do school work. I suppose there really isn't anything else to do but study. Study and sleep. Study and sleep. Take a break to phase off into another world then come to and study some more. It's a lonely existence and not what I wanted, at all. This is now how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to be preoccupied with school, putting my whole mind and soul into it. I'm not supposed to just go through the motions.
I suppose this "funk" is just the down mood I'm in today. It will pass, I'm sure, just like all my other emotions.
I haven't heard from Tracy or Laura since the weekend. I suppose that's understandable and I guess they will e-mail me or IM me if they want to speak with me. I can understand Tracy not e-mailing me, but Laura? What's her excuse? I can't force people to want to talk to me, though. I don't want to force anyone to do anything, as a matter of fact.
My HTML class has been extremely informative. I've learned alot so far and I can't wait to apply it all to my lovely journal that you're reading here. I'm very proud of myself because I seem to be learning rather quickly.
Ahh, good ole Smashing Pumpkins! What the hell would I do without them? Billy, you're great and I'd marry you if I could. Your music has kept me going when I didn't think I could. Thanks for triggering an entire spectrum of emotions, including ones I didn't even know I had.
I watched "Book of Shadow: Blair Witch 2" and it made no sense to me, at all. It did manage to make the one Wiccan in the group look like a drunken whore. I'd watch the first one before I'd watch that wreached sequel again.
Ashley and I went to see "The Amityville Horror" on Saturday and considering it was a remake, I really enjoyed it. I was shocked by how good it actually was. Very creepy and had you jumping alot. The end scene, where the little girl is standing and looking at the camera is VERY creepy. One of the best horror films I've seen in a while! I'd like to see it again when it comes out on DVD. Now, I have to go see "Kung Fu Hustle" butI doubt Ashley will agree to it.
While at the theatre, I decide to perv on some kid. He was cute, what can I say?! Come to find out, he's only 11 years old. How was I to know?! It doesn't take away from his cuteness. He looked 15 to me (still too young, but I can flirt, can't I? I like younger guys! But hell, I love older guys as well.) But, considering I'm not Michael Jackson, I decided to back off.
Wish me luck; I'm off to bed...

11:08 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005

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