october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Just talking...

I slept all day, so I'll be up all night. This is not the best night to have my schedule mixed up because I'm going with mom to pick up Darius tomorrow (Am I ready for a summer full of Darius??)
I experienced an intoxicated Gavin tonight, for the very first time! It was hilarious because he was just rambling on and on. Ahh, you gotta love him! He's so sweet=)
Surprise, surprise! I never got those e-mails that Laura promised. She "promised" that she would send me an e-mail every single day to show how "devoted she is to restarting our friendship". Great start!
Well, I'm off to annoy the "fans" on the Michael Jackson message board in IMDB.com. If you want a good laugh at all the morons who think he's innocent, come on over!

1:33 a.m. - Sunday, Jun. 19, 2005

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Water crystals

I got this deck of cards, from the "One Spirit" book club that I'm a member of, called "The WaterCrystal Oracle". Each card has a picture of a water crystal that's been exposed to a certain word and, on the back, is thew word that the water was exposed to. The claim is that Water will absorb the vibration of any word that it is exposed to. When the water is frozen, the water crystals reveil the vibration that they were exposed to. The little booklet explains the many ways this oracle can be used. The suggestion I've used so far is putting the card under a glass of water, exposing the water to the word, and letting it sit for 2 hours. So far, I have had some results, but I feel it's going to take some time praticing before it will take full effect. I do believe that it will work, though, because the body is over 70% water. I'm looking forward to learning more about this. It seems very interesting and it all makes sense if you really think about it...

12:19 a.m. - Saturday, Jun. 18, 2005

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There IS a \"me\"

Laura contacted me today on MSN messenger. She gave me a big schpeal about how she doesn't care what Gavin said and blah, blah, blah. She did admit that she has lied to me. Although I already knew that, I was happy to hear her admit to it. She said she is a changed person and that she will show me she is. I guess I will just have to take her word for it until she can prove it to me. I want to believe her. I want to believe everyone I meet. But it's impossible. I've been let down too many times by too many people. I'm not innocent, though. I've done things that I shouldn't have done. I suppose this is my repayment.
If we do become friends again, it will be a slow process. I'm not jumping into anything again. That's one of the reasons why I got hurt so badly before; because I didn't get to really know her before I made her a huge part of my life.
I don't know how this will turn out this time around. I have conflicting feelings concerning what I want to happen. I want to be friends with her and have a complete honesty in our friendship, but yet a part of me wants to just forget about it, and avoid the possibility of being hurt again. We've been taught our whole lives, though, not to run away from what scares us; to always get back on the horse if we fall off. How do we know when to not to "get back on the horse"? How do we finally figure out that the situation is never going to work?
I don't know how to respond to this situation. I know Laura is not going to be the only person I ever meet that I'll feel real attachment to and get on well with. I am a good person, a good human being, and yes, that is what I am. I am a human being.
For a long time, I didn't consider myself anything. I was just a "being" taking up space. But I AM a human being. I feel it now. I make mistakes, I laugh, I cry, I have a broad range of emotions. I love and I like and I dislike. I'm just like every other human being on this planet and I have every right to be. I have a right to not hurt and to not be hurt. Will the situation with Laura hurt me once again?
This is me, writing these words and posting them for the world to see. I realize now that I'm not invisible. I can be seen and I can be heard.
I won't let Laura ignore my needs and wants again if we do become friends. Friendship is a two-way street.

12:20 a.m. - Thursday, Jun. 16, 2005

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Learning to let go of anger

I'm feeling pretty good tonight (or should I say morning?) I have my window up and I can hear the crickets and feel the cool air. I don't feel rushed or tense as I usually do. Sometimes I can't handle feeling like I always have to be in "control" of everything. It's a tremendous relief to just let all the anger and tension just melt away. It seems to slip right off my chest. I'm learning that it is so much easier to just go with the flow of life; to just be and let others be, instead of trying to control everything and everyone. Slowly but surely, I am learning to live my entire life like this, not just a few moments at a time, but 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Life is too precious to spend your time being angry and tense and unhappy.
On that note, I am going to add that it's bloody hot in this bedroom! The air condition doesn't seem to do it's job anymore. I have set it on the lowest setting and it still does not cool off the room. But I tend to have hot flashes (No joke. I'm 20 years old and have hot flashes because of my hormone imbalance.) and that doesn't help the situation. I'll be fine, though! Life doesn't end because we don't have proper cooling equipment for our homes.
Aunt Kay and I went to Ponderosa yesterday and I got the best ribeye steak (I know, I shouldn't eat meat and I'm seriously trying to cut down), medium rare, with the best baked potato I've ever had! They also have the best state sauce EVER. lol I was in Heaven, I was! I really appreciate it.
On our way out of the restaurant, we got a major down-pour and I got absolutely soaked. I was grateful for the rain, though, because everything was dried up. It was nice to have a thunderstorm, as well. I love rain and thunderstorms.

1:34 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 15, 2005

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Way too spaced out...

Well, I should be studying right now, but I'm not:D Way too spaced out.
I really like the new "blog" style of my diary. It makes adding entries alot easier than going back and editing.
It's nice and sunny outside today. It's about time. It's been gloomy but we've had no rain. The plants don't look like they are doing too well.
My new template is summery (which is actually the name it had when I downloaded it but it definitely fit it's description!)I thought I's change just for summer, but it's such a peppy, upbeat color that I may just keep it the way it is.

9:46 a.m. - Tuesday, Jun. 14, 2005

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New template and diary set-up...

This is rather interesting..I didn't realize I could do this with my diary...

10:52 p.m. - Monday, Jun. 13, 2005

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Laura is a bitch!

Here I am! It's been a long time since I updated and I feel that it would be a good idea to fill you in on my wonderful, exciting, action-packed life!
I've been getting the scoop on Laura from Gavin (whom, despite my earlier midjudgments, has turned out to be a very good friend. We talk quite often now.) She's a lying bitch; that's the bottom line. I can't believe how much she has lied to me about, but quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn (anymore). I used to let her drive me crazy but those days are over. I don't need her and I don't need her lies. I can't say I regret meeting her completely, though, because, if I hadn't meet her, I wouldn't have met Gavin and he and I are so much alike!
It's almost the end of the term at school and, the way I'm feeling right now, it's way past due. My mind is so bloody worn out. I wouldn't have this problem if I wouldn't wait until the last day of the school week to do my assignments. So, as always, it's my fault and I'm willing to accept that.
Mom and Beth made it back from VA Beach just fine. I must say that I miss the silence and being able to do what I want, when I want. But I missed mom.
Grrr, I have to go study. I'll add more later!

10:00 p.m.

3:19 p.m. - Monday, Jun. 13, 2005

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