october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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What's my calling?

Happy Monday! Wow, I can't believe it's Monday again already. This time last week, I was trying to sleep. I was excited about my trip and had a hard time getting to sleep. If only I had known what would happen and how it would turn out. Oh well, I guess we have to live and learn.
I didn't get my work done completely for last week but I tried. I worked as hard as I was capable of working and I'll just have to turn everything in today that I completed. I definitely know that I am not cut out to work with mathematics. I hate them, with a passion. College algebra is too much for me at this stage.
I feel I worked very hard and that's all I could do. Without some sort of medication or some other assistance with my ADD, I don't believe I am going to accomplish much this term. I definitely have to make an appointment to get some Stratera, even though it causes so many problems when I take it. Without it, I'll never get a decent grade in Algebra.
Do I really want to work with computers? It's never been my dream to be a big-shot IT professional. I want to be something that I really love: a writer, a psychologist, an interior designer, a criminologist, the owner of a tea shop. I'm stuck with the computer nerd persona, though. I supposedly know everything about computers and the Internet, when, infact, basic computer functions have just become habits that I've used on a daily basis without giving any thought to. No names or labels...just movements I go through each day.
I want to enjoy what I'm doing. I want to go somewhere with my life and be somebody. Not just wish my life away. You have to have money to get anywhere now, and making good money means that you have to have a decent job. Getting a decent job means getting a good education. You don't get that from sitting and whining about what you would rather be doing than school work and how you hate the major you're in.
Grin and bear it, sweetie, grin and bear it!

7:59 p.m.

This college algebra feels almost impossible right now. I'm stuck in one section of the chapter and I'm already behind.
I don't understand it at all. Just when I think I'm understanding the numbers and letters on the page, I get lost once again. I'm ready to rip my hair out.

1:56 a.m. - Monday, Jul. 18, 2005

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