october-moon's Diaryland
Diary
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Finding strength within myself
Everytime I start to write in this journal, I forget the reason why I started to write or I lose my energy suddenly. It's been like that for almost a week now and it's scaring me. I guess it doesn't matter anyways because I can't seem to write what I truly feel anymore anyways. The words never come out right and I always manage to sound stupid.
I'm not doing so well with my schooling. The algebra is almost impossible for me. It keeps getting harder and harder and I feel as if my brain is going to explode everytime I study. I keep telling myself that I can do it; that I must not give up, but the more I try to learn and understand the numbers and symbols and terms, the more I don't understand them. I've prayed for strength and I've prayed for the power to go on. But nothing has come of those prayers. This is a sign that I must do this on my own; that I must learn to depend on myself and my own strength. I guess it has been that way all along. I depend too much on outside forces to do what I need to do. Life isn't like that. It even say in the Charge of the Goddess that we shall never know the mysteries unless we know that we can't get what we need outside if we can't find it inside. So, I must delve down deep into myself and pull up as much strength as possible.
Sometimes I spend my days drifting in and out of sleep and the minutes and hours all mix together. I don't know whether I've been asleep or whether I've been awake. It's a lonely way to live and I want it to change. Sincerely I do. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to get myself up and going and I don't know how to deal with life. I'm clueless and it's very obvious. I feel majorly off-balance and "wrong", but do I do to correct this? What do I do to make myself balanced once again? Someone please fill me in!
I found this wonderful site called Goth Rosary that actually sells rosaries with Pentagrams and spiders and skulls and basically anything that's considered "dark". It's the answer I've been looking for concerning rosaries. It's EXACTLY what I've been looking for. I was completely in shock and in awe when I found it and read what it was all about. As soon as I get money, I am ordering one!!!! I've been needing a rosary with a Pentacle on it and I knew I wouldn't find one so I decided I was going to make one and then one day, boom, here's this website! I'm still amazed and delighted by it.
12:22 a.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 27, 2005
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