october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Scared to face light...

I didn't want to get out of bed today. It was as if the summer Sunshine was too strong for me to handle. I felt intimidated, which is exactly what it is. Intimidation. Am I scared to face life? Probably.
I'm afraid to face the Sun. Scared that He will think I'm a failure as much as I feel that. I should know this isn't right, though. God doesn't look upon us as "losers" or "failures". His love for us is unconditional and everlasting. I believe that facing the days will force me to face my life and all the things I need to do with it.
I'm scared and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm scared to leave my own bedroom let alone go out into the world.
This isn't how a Wiccan behaves. I'm so ashamed of myself. This isn't the example I want to set. This isn't the way I want to portray myself to my family.
Get it together or there is no point in living.
Anyways, I got some dye so I'll be coloring my hair black soon. Mom keeps going on and on about how bad my hair looked last time I dyed it black and that it's going to look just as bad this time. I'm not dyeing it to look like a damn model. I'm dyeing black it because I like black. She says I don't have the "coloring" for black hair. How can you NOT have the "coloring" for black hair? Black goes with every skin color. *rolls eyes*
Oh, guess who's trying to rekindle a long, eternally burnt-out flame? LAURA! Does she really think I would give her the time of day again? After she lied about literally everything. I know I'm not an idiot and I had it when people treat me like I am and that's what she's doing. She's insulting my intelligence by telling me she's changed. I know better.

7:03 p.m. - Tuesday, Aug. 23, 2005

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