october-moon's Diaryland Diary

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Asking for forgiveness.

I've done a lot of bad things in the past. Nothing to physically harm anyone, but I've played some serious mind games. I've been thinking about this today and I just feel like I need to talk about it.
When I was younger, I would lie up a storm. When I was 12, I could tell you any tale with a straight face. I know I hurt people with some of the lies I told, mainly my friends and my mother. I was a vicious and nasty person who loved spread rumors and lie, not only about others but myself.
As I've grown older, I've seen the effects that karma have on your life. I know that whatever you do comes back to you. That's why I am where I am today. My life is the way it is now because of the lies and deceit of so many years ago.
Many of these people have not been part of my life for a long time, and I have no way of contacting them so this is the next best thing: I am so incredibly sorry for lying. I'm sorry for the hurt it's caused you. I'm sorry for any problems it's caused you and any lasting effects it may have caused. I was wrong and there is no excuse for what I did. I know that if any of these people are reading this, they know who wrote it and what I am talking about. Please know that I'm sorry for never being myself with you. The truth is, I didn't know who "myself" was. I was trying to find myself and I thought I could through the lies, creating a false person. Also, know that if I could go back and be who I really was with you, I would. I would let you in. Please know that I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me.
I'm getting to know myself now. I'm learning to think with my heart instead of my mind. It's difficult but I know I can make it. If I could be the person back then that I am now, I would gladly go back. Otherwise, I just want to leave the past behind and move on.
Thank you for listening and thank you for taking part in my healing process.

9:56 a.m. - Sunday, Sept. 11, 2005

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