october-moon's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Psycho: Part 2

This is the conclusion of the story I was telling about the girl, Melissa.
I got offline not long after her threats of suicide. I was upset and I didn't want to be anywhere near a computer.
The next day, I get online and there she is, sending me IM on MSN. I apologize for the night before. I felt bad for being such a bitch.
She acted as thought nothing had happened. She even said "Are we best friends?". I was completely freaked out. I didn't know what to say. All I could think was "This girl is completely psychotic".
I felt even worse. Mental illness hits close to home because most of my family suffers from depression and my older sister has a type of psychosis. I felt like crying for being so mean to this girl. I didn't realize that she really does have a psychological problem (even though it's not official, it's pretty obvious). She's lonely and she has emotional problems. She can't control how she feels. How could I be so nasty?
With all that said, I can move on. For the past few days, I have longed to be in England so bad. I've been restless. My mom asked me what was wrong yesterday and I told her that I don't belong here. She replied with "I know". I forgot to mention that, when our electricity was out, a few days ago, mom and I were out on the porch talking. I asked her "Have you ever looked out from the front porch and thought about how there is so much more than just this?". She went on to tell me than, when she was in living in Cincinnati, that she felt a pull to be in England, or Scotland. I'm not 100% sure why, but I was completely shocked when she said that. She felt the exact same thing that I am right now. Is there some connection? There must be a reason why both my mother and I would have these same feelings for this one country. This just makes me even more sure that England is where I belong.
I want to be there so badly, I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I don't understand...

3:17 a.m. - Tuesday, Oct. 11, 2005

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next