october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One last goodbye I guess I am feeling a bit better right now. Everyone thinks I'm weird because I'm mourning over the deaths of 2 little girls I've never met. My mom think I'm obsessed but she doesn't understand! She never has and probably never will. I feel a connection of some sort. She wouldn't understand because she's an anal-retentive Christian. But oh well, one day she'll see there's more passed her closed mind. I mourn for every person who has died. The death of anyone has always been an extremely personal thing for me. I feel drawn towards death at times. As if I am meant to spend my life dealing with it. Aunt Kay took me out for Chinese for lunch yesterday. She fucking drove me crazy! She keeps asking me all these questions, like she is trying to pry information from me. I hate it when she does that! Why doesn't she just come out and ask me! She made a most annoying comment about "gays", as she called them. She said that they have a choice in rather they are gay or not. Being bisexual (but she doesn't know that), I know I didn't have a choice. I don't choose to be "different" then the rest of society, but I am. And I'm actually very proud of it. The food was good though. Always is hehe... It's time for me to let go now, and say goodbye. Holly and Jessica were happy little girls and they will always be together. I will never forget them and will always love them. I will always remember their beautiful faces and their smiles. I will always remember the events of August 4th, 2002. I'll live with the thoughts of them each day, not the thought that Holly and Jessica are gone..but that their souls live on. I'll live in hopes that they weren't in pain when they left the world and knowing that they were together. Goodbye, Holly and Jessica... 8:06 p.m. Rachel's brother keeps calling and harrassing me! He's a fucking nut! Tomorrow I must focus on cleaning my room. Thats my main focus of the day. I want to clean the floor and under my desk than work on the shelves and chairs. I want to make room for the stuff mom bought me for Christmas. I have stuff in bags from where I cleaned before that I never put back on shelves. It's ridiculous. My father never did send me the money he said he would send:( I was hoping to get another tattoo with that. Oh well, I'll have to wait until my birthday for that, I suppose. The next one will be an Asian design, either a symbol or a woman. Maybe a dragon. I know if I got a pentacle right now, my mom would die. So, I'll save that one for later:P It seems to me that I am enjoying the present more and more. I'm enjoying the feeling of right here and right now. I feel as if I have been released from some sort of hold. What has happened has happened, and what was wonderful stays wonderful, and what was heart-breaking stays heartbreaking..but things happen when they are suppost to, and nothing is meant to be re-lived. The now seems just right... 5:16 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 11, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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