october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Lovely Bones I bought a new book yesterday, titled The Lovely Bones. It's by Alice Sebold. It's about a 14 year old girl named Susie that is murdered and how it impacts the people who knew her. She is telling the story from Heaven and she has a room mate, and her name just happens to be Holly. It seems like such a strange coincidence. I like to think of Susie as an older version of Jessica. I wondered upon the book at Walmart. I had read about it before and thought it would be a good book but I didn't think much more about it. Then, yesterday, it was right there, in the book aisle. It stood out from the rest of the books. It was as if I was meant to find it. I'm only page 80 and so far, the book is fantastic! Susie tells of what Heaven is like and how she watches over her family and friends. She seems happy, but she misses her family. Even though, obviously, it's fictional, it's helping me to heal. I feel as if the Goddess meant for me to find it so I could understand. Holly and Jessica are happy where they are. They are watching over me and their family and friends and the millions of people who grieve over them. I feel the best I have in days. I'm not crying and I'm not hurting. I just feel peace, and a new-found look at life. I love Holly and Jessica. I love my family. I love my friends. I love the world and the people in the world. That's all that counts right now. 8:08 p.m. My happy feelings didn't last very long. It never does. The emptiness is back. The endless feeling of a part missing from my heart and my soul. It lingers and it festers like an infected wound, and it gets bigger each day. So many times a day, I wonder, why me? Why is it I who has to have these empty feelings? Why is it I who has such a overwhelming feeling of loss? Why was I plagued with a perminant sadness? I feel as if I have lost my own child. I have so many questions and I never seem to get any answers. I talk to the Goddess every day and ask the same thing over again. But never any answers. Or maybe there are answers, but I just don't hear or see them... 10:46 a.m. - Sunday, Feb. 01, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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