october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our 11-Month Anniversary! "And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying you would never break the Chain..." ~The Chain~ Fleetwood Mac I let Salem into my room through my window *snickers* Mom would have had a spaze if she had know. By the way, she is feeling alot better. I am not looking forward to Christmas at all. I don't want to see Amy at all. I can't help feeling this way. I just don't understand how she let all of this happen. I just feel weird around her, thought I know she is the same sister I've always had. I've looked up to her since I was small. She was always my hero. It hard to find out your hero isn't perfect. I expected so much more out of her, and it's such a letdown. But this is life. This is what real life is. Let-downs and heart-breaks and all the pain you can possibly handle and more. She is not Superman, nor was she ever. So, what my deal? Still in shock or just an unhappy, critical bitch that can't get over things? I know I shouldn't complain, because I put myself in the position, but I get so sick of Chris's retarded comments! My gosh, sometimes I just want to smack him! Then, I feel bad for feeling that way. He just acts like an air-head sometime. I love him but he's got his head up in the clouds and up his own ass and it annoys the hell out of me. Yeah, I know. All I do is complain. *sticks her tongue out* Anyway, I didn't get much studying done today because I was in bed most of the day. *shakes her head* Sad, eh? It was a gloomy day and I just couldn't drag myself out. I promised myself and the Goddess that I was going to dedicate my life to becoming the best Witch that I possibly could be, and I am failing badly. I must get back to studying and researching today. 9:05 p.m. I feel bad because I was being a little rude with Gina last night. I'm guessing she isn't home tonight because there's no answer at her house. I know she is going through a horrible time, with her grandfather dieing and all. It must be horrible I wish I knew what to say to her and how to make her feel better, but I don't have the slightest clue what to say. I don't know how she feels. I have an idea but I don't know EXACTLY how she feels. No one but her knows that, actually. Today is mine and Walt's 11-month aniversary!!!!I can't believe it's been 11 months! It's been the best 11 months of my life. I can't wait until we get hand-fasted (that is, if he will agree to a hand-fasting, which I think he will).We actually already have the name picked out for our first girl: Oktober Moon. hehe I was just trying to watch the Exorcist and I was just overwhelmed with saddness. Everytime I think of that movie or watch it, I think of how Amy took me to see it back in 2000. There's just something that's gone and I don't think it will ever be back. There's some kind of feeling that is gone. I love my sister so much, but something is missing. A feeling that was only to last for a moment in time. A feeling I wish I could re-live over and over again. It leaves me feeling so sad and so depressed. I just don't understand what's going on. Why life is changing so much for me. It's too overwhelming. "Time is never time at all.You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth and our lives are forever changed.We will never be the same." 2:19 a.m. - Friday, Dec. 05, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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