october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just when I thought I knew... For the past few days, I've gone back and forth about what career I want to persue. Do I want to be a psychiatrist or do I want to be in law enforcement? Do I want to write or be in law enforcement? Do I want to live in London or get a job for the FBI? Every time I consider all these questions, after a while, I always decide on working towards a career in law enforcement. It just feels right. But there are so many careers I could have. I could do anything at all (well, except anything concerning Calculus or something of that sort, simply because I hate it). I definitely don't want to work with computers. I couldn't hate them any more than I do now. No matter what I consider, I come back to law enforcement. I feel as if I HAVE to be in law enforcement, as if it is what was meant for me. I was doing research on becoming an agent in the FBI and I discover that it pays good money. It's not exactly the best job to have if you are planning to have a family though. You're always on call and you don't know where the career will take you from day to day. So, what's more important to me, having a career or having a family? I've dreamed my whole life of being a mother. I always believed that being a mother was my one true goal in life. I love children and that's one of the reasons why I want to go into law enforcement, because I want to keep children safe. Do I want to bring more children into a world that is so unsafe? Working my way into a career would make me stronger than I've ever been. It would make me feel so good about myself. But yet, so would being a mother. I know now that I just want to help people, in any way I can. I want to make the world better. It's not about money anymore, or fame. It's about the human race and saving lives. I want to have money to support my mother and family, though. I want to give back to my mother and family everything they have given me, and more. I want them to live like royalty. With a good-paying career, I could do that. I'm so unsure. I need to pray about this! If anyone is reading this, could you please pray as well? I've wanted to be in the FBI since I was at least 10 years old. I never actually thought it may come true. It excites me and scares me all the same. 6:14 a.m. - Thursday, Feb. 26, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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