october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Faith It's a rather gloomy day. I'm so disgusted with myself. I look at myself and I see nothing but a fat person of no value what so ever. I just want to jump out of my body today. I'm stuggling with my faith. I don't know how to truly have faith in anything. I know I am Wiccan. I can't imagine being anything else. The problem is letting go with the Christian beliefs that have been ground into my head. I'm also a rationalist, which isn't a good thing. I wish I was the kind of person who could believe in anything at all. I hate being logical all the bloody time. How do I break this habit? How do I truly believe? I have such low self-esteem that I have no clue how I am going to function in the world. I cry when I think someone I hardly know doesn't like me. I'm so sensitive, it's daft. Am I crazy? Am I nuts? Is there even such a thing as being crazy and nuts? I don't believe that schizophrenic or mentally ill people have anything wrong with them anymore. There is a reason for everything. There isn't a scientific reason for everything, but there is a reason for everything. I believe there is a spiritual reason behind mental illness (or what is known as mental illness). Fuck logic. Fuck rationality. Fuck reason. I can't be crazy. There is no such thing... 2:49 p.m. - Monday, Apr. 12, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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