october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why me? I woke up this morning feeling like a big pile of shit, just to put it blunty. My sleep had been riddled with dreams that I have no idea how to decipher. I honestly wish I could shut my dreams off sometimes. I suppose we need them, though. I had such a feeling of dread. As if everything would go wrong. As if everything was already wrong. I need my medication, but can't afford it. There has to be something I can do about that. I can't go without my medication. I become bloody psychotic. If there is anyone out there, pray that I can make it through. Pray that I can hold my faith in all that I feel deserves my faith. Pray that I find my way soon. Where the hell is Lee when I need him?! I need to talk to him badly! Of course, he's going through a rough enough time of his own, so I don't know what we could do for each other. But we have to stay strong at this time, it's extremely important.We also need to remember who and what we are. But I have a feeling we'll never be able to forget that... I'm left, alone, to ask myself why? Why me? What have I done to deserve this? Why, out of billions of people, was I chosen? Then I'm back to my main question: Am I crazy? I honestly don't believe so, but what I'm going through can make a person wonder. 6:53 p.m. I'm crying nonstop. I am so miserable right now. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I'm fat and I just keep eatting and eatting. Is there any way out? 1:45 p.m. - Tuesday, Apr. 13, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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