october-moon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Orange I can't let go of my diary! I love it way too much (sad, eh?) With it's cute Smashing Pumpkins layout, how could I possibly let it go? Other than the fact that I've decided not to let go of this diary, I haven't gone back on anything else I said yesterday. Something happened yesterday that I just can't explain, but whatever it was, I'm extremely grateful for it! I am feel extremely wonderful today all on my own, mind you! No antidepressants at all) I started color therapy yesterday and, so far, orange has done miracles. It made me feel pretty optimistic (Yep, it's a true miricle if it can make me feel like that) Blue was very relaxing. Red tends to make me tense up and get a little irritated. Purple (lavender, violet, whatever the hell you wanna call it) depressed me even more. Yellow made me feel pretty good as well. Green didn't do anything for me. The keys to success are optimism, faith, and help from the Goddess. I truely believe that now. It reminds me of the line from "Tonight, Tonight" that I like so well- "Believe, that life can change and you're not stuck in vain." I've decided not to deny being Pagan to anyone anymore. I've told my father time and again that I'm not, but I can't deny it anymore. It's not right at all. I'm sure the Goddess disapproves. I was reading in my diary from last year at this time. "Things are changing and I am actually happy now because of my faith in God being renewed and Walt's love" Who the hell was I trying to fool? If someone had told me a year ago that I would be a Wiccan today, I would have told them to fuck off. Being accused of being Wiccan would have been the ultimate insult for me. Because of my seriously retarded retardation (no, I'm not trying to be serious when I say retarded retardation. That just sounds stupid, but I think you get the point. Don't you?) and lack of knowledge, I thought all Wiccans were idiots who had no clue, were completely lost, and were crazy. If only I had known that being Wiccan is what I truely am, and what I hope to always be. As you can tell from the last paragraph, I am coming to terms with the fact that I am Pagan. I can't really deny it anymore. After taking a stepback and evaluating my beliefs, it's pretty obvious what I am. I believe in rebirth, I believe in the spirit of a higher power being in everything, I believe that love shouldn't be limited age, sex, or gender, I believe that the Divine has manifested itself into many different forms and that there is more than one God/Goddess(why do people assume, so often, that the Divine is of male gender?), and I believe we are lended powers by the Divine. 3:37 p.m. - Friday, Apr. 16, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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